I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
