holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
