Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
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My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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