His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
