My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
