Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
