dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
