please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
