I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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