i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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