Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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