How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
