Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
