so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
