Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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