There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
