you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
