i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
