I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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