I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
