If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
