First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
