loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
