Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
