My brain says no but my pants say off.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
