I accidentally burped into my bong.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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