It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
