The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
