dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Even my vagina gasped.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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