I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
