Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
