i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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