One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
