Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
