Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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