Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
