you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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