Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
