Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
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last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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