even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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