I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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