I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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