Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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