Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
