my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
