I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
