Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
