He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
