never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
