the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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