It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
