You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
