My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
