Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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