Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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