we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The adults are the big ones right?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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