Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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