11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
