so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
