A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
