god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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