I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just tell him i said nine months
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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