At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
