i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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