You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
