it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
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