Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
