You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dick very happy bro
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
