I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
