i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
