How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
