I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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