I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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